Silent treatment and your health

You can most likely relate. You are on your way from work – exhausted, yet daydreaming about how you would crash on the couch when you get home, with a cool drink in your hand, relaxing and unwinding as you tell your spouse about all your frustrations at work. As soon as you walk into the house, your darling hubby meets you at the door and welcomes you home with a hug and a kiss and asks you how your day went. He had been home all day with a day off work. The next question he asks sends you into rage. Honey, what are we having for dinner tonight?

HOW DARE HE? You scream in your mind, as you give him a deadly look. Who does he think you are? A maid or what? Does he have any idea how exhausted you are? You are so mad that you utter absolutely no words. You head straight up the stairs to your room, flop on the bed without even changing from your work clothes with the incredible determination to make him regret every word of that question he asked you.

Going forward, you are determined to say absolutely nothing to him. He comes up the stairs after you, into the bedroom and asks what the matter is. You ignore him. He tries for about five minutes to get a conversation going but you keep ignoring him. This is just the beginning of a three-day streak of not speaking to him. How could he not have understood that since he was home all day maybe he should have prepared something for both of you to eat. You are very mad for the next few days and the emotions only get worse and more toxic. Anytime he tries to speak to you, you ignore him. You recognize that you are giving him that silent treatment that had become your familiar way of punishing him anytime he stepped on the eggshells around you.

By the third day, something exciting happens at work and you are itching to share it with someone. Unfortunately, your hubby is also your best friend and that someone with whom you share all your exciting and sad moments. You need to unbottle this exciting office drama and all the emotions that have built up inside of you for the last three days. You finally break the silence and speak to him. By the end of the evening, you are both friends again and life is back to normal – or so you think.

A study by Paul Schrodt, a Texan Christian University Professor shows that silent treatment can lead to relationship dissatisfaction and ultimately divorce. He said: “The more polarized the partners become, the more difficult it is for them to stop engaging in the behaviors”.

You gave your husband the silent treatment for three days, which is probably the fifteenth time you have done so since you got married. It had become a bad habit which you are desperately trying to stop because you know it is putting both an emotional and physical strain on your relationship. Your silent treatment does not faze him as much as it used to when you first got married, and he no longer puts much effort to trying to restore the connection, between both of you, whenever it is broken. Giving the silent treatment used to be a ‘cute way’ of hurting and punishing him whenever he stepped on your toes, but it had now become a vicious cycle and a part of your DNA that is leading your marriage in the most unhealthy direction. Now, you feel stuck and you need help.

This pretty much describes me once upon a time, although not with the scenario described above. As I started to learn how to deny myself to be a true disciple of Christ, I realized that the reasons why I ended up giving my hubby the silent treatment was because I sat on the throne of my life, full of pride and entirely self-focused. I have since learned that denying myself in my relationships means becoming a servant to others, putting others first, forsaking my rights and reputation, and realizing that in all my relationships, I am accountable to Christ, who should have always been the one on the throne of my life. Christ himself showed me how to relate with others by denying his divinity and holiness, to die for me, even while I was still steeped in sin.

As I continue to pursue the path of self-denial, I realize that Christ has equipped me with all things that pertain to life and godliness, including the power and ability to be victorious over the bad relational habits I have built up over the years. In this case, I leaned on Christ for the power to break this horrible habit and walk in the truth of who I really am in Christ. I have been set free and I am still basking in this victory, including being free from toxic emotions that previously contributed to unwholesome health.

Understanding what it means to live in self-denial and self-sacrifice is the key to unlocking harmonious relationships in your life and will enable you to relate with those you interact with everyday the way God intended, before Adam sinned and broke human relationships. Self-denial applies in all your relationships, including marriages, sibling relationships, parent-children relationships, and friendships, among others. Living a life of self-denial is the key to loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and loving your neighbor as yourself. The fruits of your loving relationships include optimal health in this life and has value for eternity. My friends, self-denial is the only way.

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