About a couple of weeks ago, I attended a Christmas party with my hubby. It was at a downtown restaurant and it was really nice to safely go hangout with friends amidst these incomprehensible and never-ending covid episodes 🥺. It was a noisy space with lots of chatter and laughter and everyone was looking and sounding quite happy 😃.
I couldn’t help but notice a couple sitting across from me, who I knew were going through some deep marital issues but appeared to be the perfect couple to those who didn’t know them. It immediately reminded me of a lot of photos that I often see on social media, of people who seem to have it all together – looking like their lives are beds of roses, without the thorns. Those same photos that at one time deceived me but trained me to look beyond people’s happy faces and their beds of roses to the thorns underneath, which they try very hard to cover up with masks.
Don’t we all do this? Put on masks to attempt to camouflage the guilt and shame resulting from our life experiences – similar reasons for which Adam and Eve put on a mask of leaves to hide from God. Masks that we hope would let the world believe we are living “happily ever after”. Unfortunately, masks are like placing band-aids on gunshot wounds. The profound emotional pain behind them can result in physical disease and illness now or many years later 😞.
Living behind a mask is living way below your life potential as I learnt when I was recovering from my cancer treatment. I realized that there was more value to be derived from sharing my story with and supporting other women than there ever could be with concealing my experience behind my own mask. So, I took it off. It was hard 😢. I had always been a very private person because I had my fears about how the world would respond to an authentic me. When I took off my mask, I felt a heavy weight lift off my back 😊. I also realized that my fears were unfounded.
To openly share my story, I had to deny myself and my reputation and value others above myself (Phil. 2:3), as Jesus expects of his disciples. I did this by speaking about my experience at events and posting my story on electronic media. Like a seed that must first be buried before it sprouts as a plant, we also cannot produce many fruits unless we “die” to ourselves. My act of self-denial is enabling me to connect with and support so many people who are going through things that I would never have imagined. I notice that being my authentic self encourages them to remove their own masks and share their stories as well. It’s been such an amazing adventure and privilege to connect with others at deeper levels and support them on their unique journeys, which brings healing to them and to me as well – the fruit that is being produced from ditching self-centeredness for others-centeredness.
This is what Christmas is about and one of the reasons why Jesus was born🎄🎄🎄. He came to free us from the guilt and shame that often makes us put on masks. If you have embraced Him as your Lord, you are free indeed and you no longer need a mask. He has freed you to live an authentic life – the only way you can bring hope and healing to your world through your words and actions, which include sharing your experiences with others as you partner with God to manifest his kingdom on earth.
Moreover, your mental and emotional health and that of the people you interact with lies not only in connecting with them but in how deep that connection is. This doesn’t mean building deep relationships with everyone you meet, since there is only so much capacity you have to do this, it simply means deeply caring for others and seeking to leave them better than you met them. Improving your relational health this way is one of the four pillars that promotes optimal health as shown in the graphic below, and it also affects the other three pillars of health.
So, as you celebrate with others during these holidays, how deeply do you want to connect? The deeper you go, the more healing you bring. However, please remember to keep your Covid mask on to limit the Covid spread and protect your health 😊.
Have a merry Christmas 🎄 🎄🎄, stay safe and be healthy.
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My name is Ifueko Abajue. I am a Certified Integrative Wellness Coach.
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